Leo’s Oscar Campaign Has Begun

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Leonardo DiCaprio’s face is telling us that trying to win an Oscar is a long, hard road.

For a while now, the Internet sort of agrees on one thing: Leonardo DiCaprio really wants an Oscar.

But why? Leo is a wealthy bachelor who takes home 20 models at once, has been best friends with Tobey Maguire for over 25 years, and married off good friend Kate Winslet to her husband Ned Rocknroll. He seems to be doing pretty well without an Oscar!

Yet, the elusive Oscar trophy remains just slightly out of reach from him, and it’s fun for us regular folk to mock people who seem to have everything but the one thing they truly want. He can’t let go, he won’t let go. Like Hillary Clinton and the American presidency, Leo and his team are campaigning hard for his latest Oscar bait role, The Revenant, a prestige revenge western directed by Alejandro González Iñárritu, who won a Best Director Oscar for last year’s Best Picture winner, Birdman.

Early on, reports circulated that there is a scene where Leo gets raped by a bear, which has since been denied. However, in that same report, the writer notes that Leo also had to climb into a dead horse carcass, a claim that has been verified. Leo himself confirmed that he deliberately put himself into difficult situations for the sake of ART, like sleeping in animal carcasses:

“I can name 30 or 40 sequences that were some of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do. Whether it’s going in and out of frozen rivers, or sleeping in animal carcasses, or what I ate on set.”

The saga continues, with reports that international superstar Leonardo DiCaprio opted to eat raw bison liver, when he could have eaten fake bison liver, also for the sake of ART:

While speaking to Variety, DiCaprio admits that the prop department did indeed build a faux bison liver from jelly—certainly a more edible alternative to the authentic organ. But DiCaprio, concerned that the fake did not look genuine, volunteered to eat an actual bison liver. In addition to the challenge of finding a real bison liver, however, production had to get permission to feed one of Hollywood’s most valuable movie stars a raw, potentially diseased animal organ by getting clearance from both his team of lawyers and agents.

Leo even shared one of his near-death experiences (i.e., if you don’t give him an Oscar now, he might die):

“A great white jumped into my cage when I was diving in South Africa. Half its body was in the cage, and it was snapping at me.”

Will Leo win an Oscar this year? Only time will tell! He’s certainly doing a lot for the sake of art, something the Oscar loves and respects. Keep in mind, though, Leo has pretty much tried every Oscar bait move on his journey to Oscar gold, and we’re not sure what else Leo has left in his arsenal in the next few months leading to the 2016 Oscars.

For the time being, we’ll provide you a brief history of Leo’s Oscar bait experiences, under the cut.

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How to Seduce the Grammys

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Kendrick Lamar and Taylor Swift are basically just like the Bubble Boy from Seinfeld in this still from the “Bad Blood” video, but Grammy nominees.

The Grammys are the bishops of the Billboard gods, cementing the public’s oftentimes misguided pop music sensibilities into credible dogma. So that’s why it’s important that the 2016 Grammy nominations are out, as we shall discuss what’s orthodox, and what’s blasphemy.

Here is an awards body that awarded Artist of the Year to Maroon 5 (aka The Worst Band in the Universe) over Kanye West (aka Music Genius, obviously); considered “All About that Bass” and “Call Me Maybe” as not mere earworms, but some of the best songs of the year; and noted that a Katy Perry’s Teenage Dream album, which is basically an unapologetic ploy for radio airplay and money, contains some of the strongest compilations of songs from an artist (well, “artist”) that year.

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